Getting Your Teenager's Attention  

As in any other relationship, there is bound to arise some misunderstanding every now and then with your growing child. So how would you handle the occasional arguements and get your relationship with your teenager back on track?   

These guidelines are to help reduce tensions and frictions and keep the line of communicaton open.

1. Open the line of Communication  

- Upon the first sign of disagreement or discontent, allow your child to have his or her say first and listen intently.
- Then ask lots of questions and even more questions to uncover what is going on inside of him.
- Drop your defenses and fully pay attention to what he is telling you.
- When you feel that he is done with his story, ask him if he wants to hear your point of view.
- If his answer is no, respect it and ask when he would be ready to hear you out, reminding him that this a two way thing.
- Tell him that you can see that he is upset and that you understand he needs time to calm down. Let him know that should he later want to talk some  more you will be there to listen.

2. Work out an open Collaboration/Agreement 

- Talk to her/him about creating a collaboration together, something like a kind of mutual codex.   
- Express to him/her that your relationship is changing and you feel that the best way to go about this is to learn about each other's needs.
- Encourage your teenager to tell you what is important to him or her
- Tell her/him what is important to you, so that they know it. 
- Come to an agreement about respecting each others values 

3. Ask for Commitment

- Set a regular time and day for Feedbacks.
- Your teenager needs to know that this is an ongoing collaboration which requires some commitment and accountability for it to work.
- Encourage openeness, candidness and honesty without being defensive.
- Be open to suggestions from both sides.
- Listen attentively without interrupting and if necessary, jot down in short sentences the information your child gives you.
- Again be respectful and mindful of your child's feeling and ask for the same.
- If you are not too happy with his feedback, be honest and say so, indicating how you feel without attacking your child. 
- Remember you are both embarking on a new journey here. Both of you require time to adjust. You also need the time for developing the conscious awareness to discover new paths for dealing lovingly and successfully with each other.

 Copyrighted material 2005 Olakunbi Korostensky ND
For personal use only. Re-distribution in any form
or commercial use without permission is NOT allowed