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When there’s No Enemy Within, The Enemies Outside Cannot Hurt You!

October 20th, 2011

We all go through periods of epiphany which help shift things for us. I believe these to be wonderful moments of deep recognition that can transform our being on an intrinsic level..  

In the last six years, I have made some very clear conscious decisions about my life and how I interact with people. One of these decisions was never to argue with people, because it is energy draining and never resolves anything. It is my conviction that arguing over any matter always  leaves all parties frustrated no matter who has the last word. 

Another thing about arguments is that we argue because we want the other person to accept our opinion and thereby gives us a sense of our greatness.

Now think about this for a moment: how do you feel when someone agrees with what you say? Don’t you have a sense of relief and maybe an underlying pride and validation? Now be honest about this and stop to reflect about these questions.  

And now to the other questions: How do you feel when someone disagrees with your opinion? Do you feel slighted, threatened, angry or can you simply acknowledge the difference of opinions without having any residual feelings of “being trodden upon” and kicked to the curb?

If you’re like most people, you will feel connected with the person who “sides” with you and resent the one who disagrees with you.

Now what does this have to do with todays’ title: When there’s no Enemy Within, the Enemies Outside Cannot hurt You and how does this relate to handling difficult changes with our Intuition?

Actually a lot!

1. When we are experiencing a difficult change in our life, most times we are over sensitized. This fact often does not render accepting advice from other people easy. Our imminent frame of mind renders us vunerable and even when we know on one level of awareness that our friends or partner mean well, it still does not make it easy for us to swallow our pride and agree with them.

In this case, the enemy within are our own insecurities and frustrations. So how can we handle these feelings? First let me say that start by letting go of the old adage: “Attack is the best form of defense”. This will not get you far and will only make things harder for you.

As long as you hold on to your defense, you cannot access your intuition. This is because the anger or the feelings of frustration hold you hostage and our intuition being of a finer vibration cannot cut through that thick wall.

The solution is to listen to the other person by observing what you’re sensing and being with those feelings. Here’s an example. While out with my husband and some friends, my husband complained about some pains in his left leg. I listened as he talked without saying anything. After a while he turned to me and said, why aren’t you saying anything. I replied that because I know he wouldn’t listen to what I have to say, so why should I say anything. He immediately went on the defense, saying: yes, you never listen to me about other matters either.

At that moment, I observed myself and what was going on within me. As I observed, I saw mÿself recoiling and then becoming aware of my feelings. The more I observed what was happening inside me the calmer I became and finally the feelings dissolved as I was able to accept part of what he said as correct and left it at that. My acknowledging the truth gave me a new perspective of the situation. I didn’t feel the need to respond to his attack. Suddenly I felt a rush of heat around my solar plexus and heard a tiny voice said: ”you’re bigger than that and there’s no need to defend yourself“.  

2. Don’t we all love to be right or should I say, why do we recent being proven wrong?  I have found that the more I put my focus on someone’s feelings and listen with an open heart to their reasoning, the easier it is for me to let down my guard. In this receptive mode, I can readily access my intuiive guidance without feeling the need to be right. Invariably, the other person either admit their own insecurities or let go of the jabbing.

When we entertain a strong connection with our inner force, you feel stonger and outward circumstances no longer unhinge us easily. This is because, we begin to recognize on a deeper level of our being that our outer life is truly a mirror of our own inner fears. Become master of you inner life and you master your outer circumstances with calmness.

With our intuition, we can listen to its message in such moments and use its guidance to let go of anger and irritation.

One thing that might help is to ask yourself: Would you rather be right or be happy and peaceful? I know which one I choose. The truth is that when we are able to accept all our experiences as opportunities and pathways to becoming more of our true being, we create a stronger bond with our intuiion which is there to support us in all our challenges.

  
The best way to live is to be so connected to your inner guidance that you no longer need  validation from others. By becoming inwardly strong and clear, you’ll find that other people’s opinion matters lesser and lesser and you no longer feel the need to convince people of your opinion.

I make an effort to clear out my inner closet regualrly. This helps me revisit some buried issues and wipe them out. The clearer our inner mind gets, the more prominent our intuition becomes in our life.

Share your thoughts on this.

Attaining Greatness is Facing Our Deepest Weaknesses

September 21st, 2011

Do you know that most of us kid ourselves about where we currently are and why we are struggling to move on?
Put bluntly, the reason is vanity, which blocks us from looking squarely at our weaknesses and honestly doing something about them.

I know, you’re probably thinking, “I’m not like that, I’m certainly aware of my weaknesses and try to work on them. This isn’t what I mean. And my answer to your working on them is, are you really…?!
Try not to get irritated by this question. Remain open and be honest about what comes up for you. Here’s an example to illustrate my point.

If you’ve ever had someone pointed out something about your character or shortcomings to you, what did you do? Were you accepting of their remarks and thanked them? Because you appreciated the opportunity to learn about yourself. Or did you “react” and became defensive?

If you’re like most of us, you probably did the latter.

I’m not trying to make you feel bad about yourself, but I certainly want you to get clear and become conscious about what could be responsible for the struggles you may still be experiencing with the changes in your life.

In February 2005, during a short illness, I had a near death experience (NDE) which forced me to refocus my life. It also made me recognise what true living is all about.

My work and life had given me deep satisfaction which made me acknowledge my achievements. Suddenly the realisation hit me like a thunderstorm that these were merely “scaffoldings” temporarily holding my outer edifice together, but not my LIFE.

I came to the simple conclusion that everything and nothing is of value, if you fail to develop natural inner strength. For therein lies the foundation of true value.

Inner strength is portrayed by the way we handle or face unpleasant self confrontations. By this I mean, it is never smart and least of all, productive to excuse any weaknesses you may have. Saying such things as “oh yes I know we all have our weaknesses and heaven knows that I’m not perfect but… who is?” is simply a camouflage which never helps us become the great beings we are meant to be.

Do you see what you’re doing there? You’re taking the focus off your issues and minimizing its weight. You may think that there’s nothing wrong in doing this, but I can assure you that this isn’t the best way to evolve as a conscious individual and attract abundance. In fact, it only fosters continuous indulgence of your weaknesses and blocks off true happiness and lasting success.

We all find various “little” ways to fool ourselves and thereby ignore our weaknesses until they fester deep within. Once this happens, it is difficult to attain true inner greatness or lasting happiness. For only by facing our weaknesses can we let go of what holds us back from moving forward.

This is especially true when it comes to handling changes successfully, because antime you resist or recent something, your intuition is showing you what you need to work on. Be glad and embrace it.

Reflection
What Weaknesses are you keeping in your closet? Begin addressing them consciously now and observe how things start to improve all around for you. I know this because I’ve experienced it myself.

To attain Inner Greatness strive for these qualities: love, grace and humility.
Inspirational Quote
“You have reached the pinnacle of success as soon as you become uninterested in money, compliments or publicity.” – Eddie Rickenbacker

How to Quieten Inner Turbulence in Times of Changes

August 30th, 2011

In times of changes, we often go through “emotional roller coaster”. This actually is not surprising and need not render you over anxious. The most important thing is to realize that having some kind of anxieties is normal.

Admittedly the form of anxieties differ from situation to situation

Take for instance, someone who receives a business promotion which he or she has long dreamt about. Although initially overjoyed, the anxiety of self scrutiny will eventually come up. This is because as humans, we all want to give our best to whatever we do. When others put their faith in us, we don’t want to disappoint them. So what do we do? We begin doubting our ability and ask ourselves if we are truly qualified for the work, or if we can meet expectations.

Or someone who is suddenly faced with branching out on their own either because they have been laid off work or they simply have decided to go a new direction. I am one for firing up people who make the conscious decision to take a new path. Whether out of necessity or not, it is remarkable and you should commend yourself for your courage.

Effective Ways to Quieten The Nagging Mind
1. Fears and self doubts can plague us to the extent that we lose all motivation to take action even when we know what to do. The trick is to not suppress these fears or nagging thoughts. When they occur, observe them and breathe calmly into them without denying their existence.

2. Write down all your fears and doubts on a sheet of paper and each time any of the fear or doubts rears its head, take the paper and read out the fear. Cancel it out on the paper and close your eyes cancelling it out again in your mind. Then breathe in slowly and as you slowly breathe out say to yourself: “I release the energy of (say the fear), you no longer have any hold on me”. Repeat as many times as necessary until you feel that you’ve completely released the doubt or fear. Repeat the entire process for all the list on your paper as each doubt appears.

3. After releasing all your fears and doubts, you’ll begin to feel more calmer. This is the state of mind you want to be in order to fully align with what you need to do. Without inner peace, you cannot access real answers. Inner composure prepares you for the next step. This is to connect with your intuition for guidance. Now close your eyes and ask for inner guidance for whatever it is you want, bringing only one point at a time to focus. Ask for a clear direct answer and refrain from saying such things as: should I do this…. or should I do that? Instead be precise: “Show me the best way to handle this situation so that I’m able to use my gifts productively”

Always remember that inner turbulence mirrors our vulnerabilities to us. By paying attention to these vulnerabilities and embracing them consciously, we can integrate their energy into our being and fully combine the emotional and mental energies together to redirect their path constructively. As long as we are controlled by our vulnerabilities, we will not be able to master our intuition and find the right path in life with deep satisfaction.

Begin to use the three steps and you’ll be amaze at how easier you’re able to handle any change more effectively.

Let me know your experience with this method.

Love Always
Kunbi
Your Inner Flame Rekindler

Frustrated – Are Your Efforts Not getting You Anywhere?

August 19th, 2011

Sometimes when we make changes in our lives feeling confident that everything will go well, we suddenly hit a plateau despite all our efforts.
This can get you frustrated, especially when you feel that you’re doing all you can and yet, seeing little or no results.

My whole life has been riddled with constant changes. I suppose you could say that I came into this life to assimilate the meaning of changes!

When dealing with changes that we engendered, it is important to remain clear. This is why I usually ask for inner guidance before taking action. Sometimes we are so focused on what we want to have happen that we overlook what it entails to get the results we desire.

Here are Five Reasons Why Frustrations Occur:

1. You know the change is right but don’t know which direction to go
2. You don’t have a clear structure to move you forward
3. You have a structure but you are inconsistent with administering it
4. You are doing it all alone
5. You are too impatient

To help you overcome your frustrations, first give yourself credit for wanting to move forward. When stagnation occurs in our life, we stop feeling the joy of living. Making the effort to change things is keeping the dynamic of our life alive. Because making an effort to change is not only a necessity for progress, it is what helps preserve the power that we already possess.

Don’t let your frusrations keep you down. If you’re dealing with any of the above mentioned reasons for your frustration, I can assure you from my over 56 years of constant changes, that you can learn to master your change with real contentment.

Where there is a challenge, there is also a solution. You just have to be ready to find the solution.

The solutions to all the above list are to be found in the frustrations themselves!

In the first case,
1. You know the change is right but don’t know which direction to go.
Simply go within and ask for inner guidance and become attentive to what occurs around you after that. Most times, you’ll get some promptings or indications – through friends, colleagues, reports, reading etc. Stay vigilant and alert. Your intuition will guide you well, if you listen.

In the second situation,
2. You don’t have a clear structure to move you forward
Sit down and make a list of 3 things you can easily start to do to move you forward. Write down the date by which each action will be implemented and follow through adjusting as necessary. When the first three actions are completed make the next three appropriate things to follow up.

For the third frustration
3. You have a structure but you are inconsistent with implementation.
Find a coach who will hold you accountable. We all have a lot going on in the course of the day and some important things often fall through the cracks. Still, if you’re committed to making your change work for you, then you’ll need some help with being consistent at your efforts.

4. You are doing it all alone
Get support. Once again, a coach can point you in the right direction and offer you the support you require. After all, getting feedback from someone who wants you to feel good about yourself rather than beating yourself up and feeling like crap is invaluable. Because in the long run, you’ll move forward faster and more joyfully.

For the last situation
5. You are too impatient
Patient is a great virtue, which many of us are still developing. When you work with a coach, you’ll be reminded of the progress you’re making and that focus, keeps you grounded, which again keeps your momentum going while your vision and patient continue to evolve.

To end your frustrations and move on swiftly check out my Coaching Program here:
INTUITION COACHING FOR WOMEN OVER 45 STARTING NEW

Love Always

Kunbi Korostensky ND
Inner Flame Rekindler
Helping you rekindle your Inner flame and using its power fully for clarity of action and purpose

Can Speaking From Your Heart Make A Difference To Your Change?

November 11th, 2007


I’m sure you will agree with me that most people say and do things in a reactive manner. By this I mean, when confronted by others, people tend to either become defensive or extreme apologetic. These two traits clearly indicate insecurity and lack of inner strength.

It is a fact that most people are not aware of these traits. The reason being that they have internalised their behaviour and use this in dealing with difficult interactions with others. Take for example someone who was asked about his or her honest opinion concernng a plan or a project.

I did this with one of my assistants the other day. What evolved out of our conversation was most unfulfilling with cagey, none transparent answers! Most people seem to believe that by speaking from their heart they will hurt other people’s feelings. And those who become defensive simple react out of an inner compulsion. The truth is that both of these tactics put people is a very awkward position and make them “seem” powerless. What people don’t realise is that you are never powerless, especially by speaking out from your heart!

If you want to truly be in control of your life, then you have to start speaking from your heart. When confronted by changes, it is wise to become very clear about what is going on inside of you. This especially as far as your feelings are concerned. As long as you are living in a “fog” you cannot take control of your life and you leave a wide door open for others to manipulate you.

Not only does speaking openly from your heart makes an impression on other people which makes people respect you, but it is a breath of fresh air which animates your partner in conversation. Even in business, your boss will always appreciate a honest down to earth communication. Because communication is about coming from a clear space of inner communion.

Never fear voicing your opinion. You have a great gift of inner percepton within you. This guides you in finding the right expressions to effectively communicate what you feel without being hurtful or mean. You owe it to yourself and others to always speak from your heart. I simply don’t believe in hiding from my sensing, because in the long run it saves people and myself a lot of pain and agony even if it doesn’t appear so from the start.

It is good to remember that change happens for a reason. One of those reasons may be to simply look within yourself with new eyes and be honest with yourself. And maybe it also points you in a clear direction that things have to be different to get to where you want to be.

When You Feel Like Chucking It All Up…!

November 29th, 2006


It has been quite a while since I last posted on my blog. Well, apart from having had a rather long and tiring period – between launching my first International Conference for Women and preparing the yearly event for our non-profit foundation and organizing numerous other matters such as programs for 2007, contacting various people for feedback etc – You name it, I was at the brink of a nervous breakdown!

I decided to do what I often advice other people to do in such cases. Take a break. This was exactly what I did. I left everything behind me and went off to a wellness hotel. This decison has done wonders for my inner calmness, peace of mind and resourcefulness.

While in my seclusion, I had a number of insights. And I’d like to share some of them here. Perhaps some of my recognitions would find resonance with some of you.

1. I realized that stress is often a self-imposed state of mind. When I reflected over the last past months of getting the women’s conference together, I had put enormous pressure on myself. This was as a result of feeling that I had to deliver a “first class” event even though no one had demanded it of me! What a joke! I could have done less and people would still have found the event remarkable without my having to “tear my hair out”.

Insight:  If I ever feel the need to go out of my way to give the “best” possible for anything, then I am not connecting first and foremost with my inner need. My energy gets depleted and I lose sight of what is truly essential, which is enjoying the ride. As important as it is getting things well organized like a clockwork, still, it is meaningless if the heart that drives tthe clockwork gets sucked up! I recognise that I require to continue to work on my ego big time!

2.I need to delegate more and allow other people to share in the fun and to create a dynamic force. None of us is meant to struggle alone. Fighting to see to every nooks and crannies all by yourself is a pitiful and depraving picture. It means more to me to promote joy, laughter and creative purposefulness around me.

Insight: It is time to leave behind my “lonesome cave” and seek out others, inviting them to join me on my journey and becoming co-creators of great visions together.

3. During the entire period of working on and developing the program for the International women’s conference, I had ocassional moments of weakness. In these moments, I asked myself why I was going through with the whole thing. Luckily enough, I was able to pull myself together and continued. And I’m glad I did.

In retrospect now, I believe the one main stay that kept me going was my dearest cousin in England. Whenever I felt a little overwhelmed or couldn’t see things clearly, I simply called her and voila. She was just the right person to talk to. She always had the right thing to say or the right approach for me to consider. What a blessing to have someone like that in my corner.

Insight: I didn’t have to lose heart when certain things weren’t working out immediately! By talking to someone special to me or going some places that  gave me inspiration or where I could unwind just did the job.

You And I, We Are The Light of Our World

September 5th, 2006


The other day I was thinking about how a decision based on love and creativity can revolutionize our own world.

One bleak morning earlier on this year in March 2006, I woke up with a strong inspiration which at the time I wasn’t quite aware of its true significance. The idea came to me to bring a number of women together to help other women enhance their feminine strengths by tapping into spiritual values.

I have always believed that many people live too much from and for the outside world today. After reliving a near death experience in 2005, I now feel even stronger about this. It is also my conviction that we women need to start paying more attention to our spiritual strengths and learn to use them more consciously.

I knew that I wanted to create a platform for women where they can feel safe to examine their femininity and develop their intuition. So I thought of organising an International Conference.  From the moment I voiced this out to myself the idea took form in my mind’s eye and I began to put a structure together.

It is now September and a lot has happened since that monday morning in March when the inspiration came to me. With the faith and trust I had in unseen forces around me, I have received undreamt of support and help in preparing the first conference of this genre.

It is my strong belief that the conference will be a catalyst for all women attendees, inspiring them to look within and to connect with the source of the Living Creative Power which flows through us all.

Now as the registrations for the conference continue to pour in, I feel deep gratitude and a sense of awe for the magnitude of power given to each one of us to create our own world and thereby to help improve that of others. All it requires is simply to ignite the spark within and let it develop into a full power of light to carry your volition out into the world.

Faith, hope and love are truly mighty forces of power capable of bringing light to your world. And these all lie within you!

See the result of my partnering with these forces at: www.awakenwomen.com

You Can Only Fail If You Decide To Give Up

July 17th, 2006


The month of July started with a roller coaster race, in which I found myself racing against all odds.

It all started with my VA – Virtual Assistant informing me that she wouldn’t be able to set up the new website pages for our October planned conference. She was having some personal problems which appeared to be affecting her and her ability to work efficiently. After having worked steadily over the last 2-3 months on the site contents and registering the domain name and all, at first I couldn’t believe this was happening.

Well it was happening, and I had better find a solution fast! After all the website was supposed to have been up by the end of June!  As the initial surprise began to wear off, I realised that this was the opportunity to use my initiative and prove that nothing was going to get in the way of creating a great website for the Conference.

After trying to do some damage control by asking for help at various quarters and alas, to no avail, I decided to turn to the outsourcing platform of professional service provider, the elance.com

Within 24 hours, I was able to engage a service provider in India to set up my new website. The entire procedure proved to be a great adventure. I needed to collaborate closely with the team in India, so I had to get up very early in the mornings as a result of the time zone differences!

I believe I have never had to work so intensely concentrated with a group of people on the other side of the globe. Yes, I know that most people would probably say, “big deal, what’s all the fuss about?” Well to me it certainly was a big deal.

First of all, I was determined not to just get anybody to create the website. I wanted someone who would have the time and patient to understand what I wanted and get the job done as quickly as possible. To be exact within 4 days.

Secondly, I have never done this kind of thing before, so I felt as if I was plunging myself into freezing water, where I had to either generate rapid warmth from within or freeze to death! Kind of hypethermia therapy. I decided to do the former and build a good rapport with the “new team”. Thereon began a tedious 10 long, dragging days. That’s how long it took.

Don’t get me wrong, the expereince has been very sobering for me. I now realize how much work goes into creating a professional website. Logo and all!

The webmaster team in India, were exceptionally patient and supportive, and I hang on to my determination until all the pages were just as I wanted them to be. See the final work at: www.awakenwomen.com

Notwithstanding the number of misunderstandings, a few confusions and ex number of direct telephone calls, “the show” went on and got completed. I hope you like the result.

And as Sir Winston Churchill once said: “never, never, never give up”. I would like to second that by repeating, you can only fail, if you decide to give up!

Things Are Never What They Appear to Be!

June 28th, 2006


Are there times in which you feel that you’re struggling badly with some things and then…wham! Suddenly and magically, things begin to fall into place?

I have had some very challenging times these past few weeks, but somehow as I began shifting my focus from what appeared to be obvious – and I consciously chose the words “appeared to be  obvious”- I was able to diffuse many difficult situations.

In fact, acutely charged problems simply began to unravel. I received inner promptings for solutions which I otherwise would not have thought of.

It is a wonderful feeling to recognize the validation of the old adage that your own happiness and peace of mind solely lie in your own hands.

When oppositions or adversities oppose us, we tend to focus too much on the problem and get emotionally clog up by who is to blame. Unfortunately, this attitude only eats away at us, and immobilizes us.

But if we can emotionally distant ourself from the problem and focus more on looking for solutions, then we are able to free up dynamic energy to turn things around.

This is what I have experienced. I can assure you, it is much more engaging and invigorating focusing all your inner “radar” on what needs to become than on what went wrong!

Suddenly your heart feels lighter, you take concise action, you move with certain confidence, you have a certain air of determination about you. All these changes happen because you are driven from within.The energy around you is just electrifying! This were actually what people have been saying to me these past weeks.Truly amazing!

Which proves that if you don’t allow problems to stop you or eat away at you, you’ll  be directed to find the right angle to things, even in the worst case scenario. For things are really never what they mostly appear to be.

Right now, my maxim is: “never judge any dark moment by its appearance, for you can neither feel how soothing wading in iced cold water can be until you’ve experienced it”. It is a question of perspectivity.

The Importance Of Choosing Your Words Consciously

June 14th, 2006

These past few weeks, I have been observing how what I say have great impact in my life and in the lives of other people.

There is nothing new about the knowledge of the power of our words. But sometimes I believe we  either forget about their effects or we simply become slothful in our ways. Still, this is not to say that we can be excused. Because the unchanging eternal laws woven into Creation do not wait for us to become vigilant before reciprocating to what we put out there in the form of our words or deeds for that matter.

Yesterday, a colleague asked for my opinion about her health issues, which she has unsuccessfully  been dealing with. Immediately, I was tempted to shed some light on what I perceived to be the source of her problem. But then, something held me back, and I listened within.

It became very clear to me that what she now required, was not what I had to say about the source of her health issues, but rather encouragements on how well she was managing with the situation. So I changed my focus and listened with my heart. As she continued to speak, I observed her feelings and then asked her what exactly she wanted from me. The answer came like a rocket!

She said she needed my moral support and my words of wisdom which she felt had always given her the strength to deal with difficult issues in the past! Amazing what simple listening can bring to the fore. 

Once again, I was reminded of the importance of truly tuning into other people’s feelings to really perceive how best to serve them at a given time.

My change of focus saved me from making a grievous mistake and undoubtedly disappointing or worst still hurting a dear colleague. Had I gone ahead and said what was in my mind, I would have missed the opportunity of knowing what is really of benefit to her.

Sometimes it is best to hold back a thought before deciding to put it into words. For once your words are pronounced, they are out of your control and a constellation of vibration is set into motion.                     

 

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